Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I'm torn

As I said previoiusly my son and his family
are going to live with us which hopefully
will be just a short while. Yes, I said a short
while. something I never dreamed I
would ever say about one of my kids.
But this certain 'kid' , 36 yr.old kid,
has had a pretty terrible history of his
own making.

I used to feel so guilty for all of his
problems. If I only would have done
this, or that, or the other. But over
the years I have come to realize
I did all I could as a mother. I tried
to guide him, to teach him right
and wrong. That there were consequences for his actions.
Love him unconditionally and help him when he
needed help.

He made some very bad choices many times.
I was always there for him in one way or another.
So when do you as a parent say I'm tired?
Do you keep bailing them out at any age?
I really don't know if I can do this. My health
is not the best and I'm already stressing.
Its so difficult.

People who are close to us say oh its such
a wonderful thing to open your home. Your
warm loving Well,
I do not feel it anymore with this kid. I feel
as we are again being used. When I showed
him the room they would be staying in,
which is now my sewing room, and all that
I had to pack up and store, I didn't even
get a 'we appreciate you doing this', or
I'm sorry you have to move this. Or ANYTHING.
They just looked in the room and said
ok. I don't get it.

I can't even pray I'm so upset. I know I
should, I would feel better. I guess I'm
to deep in my own little pity party.

My husband has worked hard to give us
this life we have. Its a simple life. We
have a nice little home. We are very
careful with our money so we can
take the occassional trip to visit kids,
or a weekend for ourselves. Am I
wrong to be hurt they don't care they
are disrupting our lives without a
second thought?

I know I am whining, but I had to get this
out. Put my thoughts down and be
able to read them to see if I am just
over reacting. So why did we say ok
come stay here. They had a 4 yr
old with them. Which makes it even
harder. Heck, mama hasn't even called
him in the 2 days they have been gone.

I know God never gives us more than
we can handle. What is he teaching me
with this one though?

I'm thankful for Bob's strength
I love lays potato chips
I'm thankful for the bright sun today
I love Bob's quickly growing cucumbers!
I love warm tomatoes off the vines
I'm thankful for my life
I love hearing the laughter of a toddler


  1. Yeah what a tuff position you are in. I would just give him a month. Tell them after a month you gotta go! He is 36, a grown man, he should be able to take care of his family. Don't feel bad, you got to take care of yourself!!! It's ssad they haven't called once to check on the boy. I would be calling every chance I got.......

  2. I am soooo sorry... That is one thing that I was worried about if they were going to be appreciative or not. It takes people to fall flat on their face to grow up sometimes. I will be praying for you and Bob. God has a plan...just follow his guidance!!!

  3. I'm sorry things are turning as such. I hope things have gotten better. Sending you hugs :)